Four Fools: A Comedy
Chapter 1: Exeter + Missiles=Dangerous The four faction leaders had gathered in the giant meeting room at the top of the Nexus Tower. It could hold over four thousand minifigures and had a stadium for announcements as well. They had come together because Exeter had said he found a way to wipe the Maelstrom off of Crux Prime. Vanda walked in. "Who called this meeting, I was about to make a breakthrough on the MAELSTROM, so this better be worth my time." Exeter puffed out his chest. "I did Vanda, and this is much more important then you playing with your little chemistry set!" Vanda glared at Exeter. "My little chemistry set is going solve a lot more than your stupid knights hacking away at enemies all day!" Exeter stood up. "STUPID KNIGHTS!!! I guess you think you and your little scientists are so clever working away in your lab don't you?" Vanda laughed. "It wouldn't be hard for them to be more clever than your knights, I bet most fifth graders have a higher brain level than you and your baboons." Exeter's face grew red. "You promised to not bring up the subject about me losing the Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader show." Overbuild's eyes wobbled around in his glasses. "Stop arguing you two, what did you want to tell us about Exeter?" Exeter coughed. "Ah, yes, uh, well, I sorta forgot what I was going to say... hmm..." 30 minutes later* "I remember now!" Vanda looked up. "Oh, that's a record for you, me Storm and Overbuild only were able to play five games of Go Fish instead of fifteen while you were remembering why you called us here." Exeter smiled. "I told you I'm getting faster; well to my idea. I have had my men build some rockets and also have had them build a rocket launcher on Crux Prime. This means we can target the Maelstrom with Rockets!" Storm spoke for the first time. "I haven't mapped Crux yet, so how do we know where the rocket will go? Also, do we get the drops from all the enemies we smash with the rockets?" Exeter smiled again. "That's the brilliance of my plan; Crux Prime has the Maelstrom all over it, all we have to do is evacuate all of our agents off it and we can fire anywhere on the planet! Oh, and we can keep the drops for ourselves." Storm grinned. "I love me coins, OH, sorry about that, I think we should do this idea, its great!" Vanda stood up. "Well, I agree, that is as long as I get Maelstrom samples from Crux." Exeter looked at Vanda. "Of course you can have samples!" Overbuild sighed. "Well, I guess its decided, lets evacuate Crux." They decided the best way to alert everyone was via the Weather Channel. So when minifigures looked at the weather it said this: "Partly cloudy with a 100% chance of missiles." Exeter: "We are ready to fire." Storm munched some popcorn as a TV came down from the wall. "Ooh, we get to watch where the missiles hit at, good." Exeter: "I have already programed the latitude and longitude so it will be a surprise where they hit to all of us since I don't know the location of anything on Crux." Exeter hit a button and the TV screen changed to show Butterscorch. Vanda: "Good, Butterscorch won't know what hit her." A missile comes into view on screen and blasts Butterscorch to pieces on the first hit. A picture of the Skeleton area appears on screen and a missile blast apart several rigs and a squad of Skeletons. Exeter: "Now for the last one, I can't wait to see where it is!" A picture of the Nexus Tower appears on the TV. Exeter: "WHO CHANGED THE CHANNEL!" Vanda: "Not me." Overbuild: "Nor I." Storm: "Its on the same channel." Vanda: "QUICK, CANCEL THE MISSLE!" Exeter: "I WILL STOP IT, DON'T WORRY, I HAVE BECOME FAST AT REMEMBERING HOW TO DO THINGS! Hmm... Uhh... I think I can remember how to turn it off in twenty minutes or less." Vanda: "We can still control its trajectory slightly, someone turn it to a non critical part of the tower." Storm: "I know just the place to aim it!" Storm aims the missile at the side of the tower* The missile is fired and they feel the tower shake. Vanda: "What did you aim it at, Storm? I hope it didn't hit an important part of the tower." Storm dashed to the elevator. "I aimed it at the bank, be right back, just want to access the damage, I be rich har har." Vanda: "Remind me not to strangle Storm tomorrow at breakfast, he won't be too happy though when I charge the damages to HIS account." Overbuild: "Well, I have learned to be much more careful with missiles." Vanda: "Overbuild, why do you always have to say stupid things like that? You don't learn a lesson from EVERYTHING, YOU DO!" Exeter: "At least we know the location of the Nexus Tower on the map now." Chapter 2: Breakfast for Four While the four faction leaders may have disagreed on many things, there were two things they agreed on all the time: Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, and Uncle Joe's Donuts and Coffee is the best place to have breakfast at. Because of this, they ALWAYS had breakfast together at Uncle Joe's Donuts and Coffee. And this morning was no different. Exeter walked into Uncle Joe's restaurant with the other faction leaders. Sarah the waitress came up to them. Sarah smiled, "Well look who it is, the four faction leaders, our most loyal customers." She took them over to where they normally sat at, but she found an elderly couple sitting their instead of it being empty. Exeter: "Excuse me, but this is where we normally sit, would you mind moving?" The elderly lady looked up and then looked at her husband. "Did he just say something to us Herald? I can't tell, you know how our hearing aid has been acting up lately." Exeter: "I did say something to you, I asked you to move." Joyce looked up at him again. "Why the nerve of him, he wants us to move Herald, young people these days! Herald: "Why don't you go sit somewhere us and let us eat in PEACE!" Vanda: "Exeter, lets all just eat somewhere else, there's plenty of tables in here." Exeter: "NO, it is OUR seat, we have the right to eat there, we are faithful customers, they are just some one-time out of town people!" Overbuild: "The logical course of action is to either make them move, or eat at another chair." Vanda: "Don't give him any ideas Overbuild, he probably will now try to make them move." Exeter: "Making them move is a great idea, OLDIES, THATS RIGHT YOU TWO, MOVE IT! This is our table, so you have to either leave, or pa- AHHH!" Before Exeter could move them, Herald was smacking him with his cane. "You better not call US oldies, and you went to far when you threatened us!" Exeter fell over from being smacked in the head by the cane. Joyce: "You show 'em honey, don't let them boss us around!" Vanda tried to stop Herald, but was smacked by Joyce's purse when she tried to stop him. Storm managed to slip the credit cards out of Herald's and Joyce's pockets while the fight was going on. Herald looked angry. "We are leaving this crackpot town Joyce, all the people who live here are a bunch of goons." Without further ado, they both left. Exeter: "Uhh, oooww, that cane hurt when it hit my head." Overbuild: "Well at least they have left now, lets eat!" The four faction leaders sat down and the waitress came back out. Waitress: "I heard some noise back in the kitchen coming from out here, is everything okay?" Vanda in a sarcastic voice: "Never been better." Waitress: "Okay... What would you all like for breakfast today?" Exeter: "I would like Uncle Joe's super duper pancakes with raspberry, blueberry, and maple syrup on it. I would also like you to put one fourth cup of butter on that and smother the whole thing in whip cream. Oh, and I almost forgot the ten pieces of bacon fried in barbecue sauce." Vanda: "Exeter, that is terrible for your health, that's like a heart attack on a plate, I bet it has over two thousand calories in it!" Exeter looks a bit dejected. "Fine, make it light whip cream and use I Can't Believe It's Not Butter instead of butter, but make sure to put one cup of it instead of one fourth since it's the healthy kind." Vanda looks at the ceiling. "That's not what I meant." Vanda looks at the waiter. "I would like a onion donut and black coffee please." Overbuild smiles at the waiter. "I would like some of your chocolate donuts and some chocolate milk." Storm grins at the waiter. "Give me some of your silver dollar pancakes, with your million dollar sauce on it and don't forget the bacon." The waiter writes down everything. "It will be out shortly." Storm: "How are the repairs coming to the tower after that missile that hit it?" Overbuild: "Well, we can't start repairs since my workers went on strike." Vanda: "Why did they go on strike?" Overbuild: "Well, since the enemies on Crux aren't as rich anymore, they depend more on their salary. Vanda: "What about all that money we made from hitting Crux with the missile?" Overbuild: "The heat from the explosion melted the coins." Storm: "WHAT!!! ME MONIES ARE GONE!" Vanda: "Well you just robbed the bank when the tower was hit." Storm: "I didn't rob it, I was just... making sure everyone was okay." Vanda: "Yeah right." Waitress: "Here is your food, enjoy." The faction leaders ate their food and then decided they would have to go back to work. Exeter: "That was an excellent dinner, I will get that again- HUH AAAHHH!" Exeter falls off his chair* Vanda: "Quick, get the EMP heart attack machine and use it on Exeter!" Vanda uses it and revives Exeter* Vanda: "I told you it was going to give you a heart attack." Exeter: "It was still worth it." Vanda shakes her head. "I don't know what's wrong with you Exeter." Exeter: "Nothing's wrong with me." Chapter 3: The Maze The faction leaders had decided that they would try out a survival course that was extremely difficult. They had been told that one night that week they would wake up somewhere in a maze with only a few supplies and that they then must find their way out of the maze. Exeter: "Hmm, aahh, mmm, chicken, uh, hmmm, ah, another nice day, AHH, WHERE AM I!" Vanda: "Calm down Exeter, we are in the survival maze." Overbuild looked around. "Well, our supplies are extremely limited, lets see what we have, some flashlights, a match, some candles, a pistol, a shield, some chips, and canned food. I hope I get a WIFI signal down here for my laptop." Storm: "What do we get if we get out? Gold, fame, gold, power, gold, riches, or gold?" Vanda: "We don't get anything Storm, can you only think about gold?" Storm: "I can think about other things, like platinum, silver, diamond, rubies, money, white gold, and credit cards." Vanda: "Well I see you can only think about money." Storm: "That's not true, I can think about lots of other things." Something glimmers on the floor* Storm: "MONEY!!!" runs over and snatches it* Vanda: "Its an old candy bar wrapper." Storm: "They sell for ten cents a piece on Ebay." Vanda: "You are the cheapest person I know." Storm: "Thank you." Overbuild: "We need to find a way out of here, I suggest we go straight ahead." Vanda: "It has to be better than just standing here." The faction leaders walked forward for a long time, they took many paths off the main one until they had no idea where they were. Overbuild: "I hate this stupid maze, why am I wasting my time here when I could be researching something." Exeter: "I'm hungry, how much longer until we get out?" Storm: "If you all die down here can you write you wills to me?" Vanda: "WE AREN'T GOING TO DIE DOWN HERE, THIS IS A TRAINING EXERSISE, NOT REAL LIFE!" Storm: "Oh, it was worth a try at least." The faction leaders went on until finally they reached a door. Exeter: "YAY, A DOOR!" he tries to open but nothing happens* Exeter: "Its locked, AARRGG, STUPID DOOR!" he grabs the gun and shoots the door multiple times* Overbuild: "You idiot, I could have shot it at a spot that would have let it open, but instead you shot at it randomly and wasted our ammo." Exeter: "I'm not an idiot, you just think your above everyone else because you're a "scientist", well guess what, you're not above ME!" Doctor Overbuild tries to rip the door off the wall with his robotic arms* Overbuild: "This door won't move, none of use will be able to make it move at all." Then Vanda had an idea. Vanda: "I bet I know why this door is here, it isn't the exit, its the vault door to the legendary rainbow diamond." Storm: "Did you just s.. a.. y.. the LEGENDARY RAINBOW DIAMOND!?!?" Vanda: "Yes, I bet its just behind that door. I heard it was worth one BILLION coins." Storms eyes have money symbols pop into them* Storm charges at the door* CLUNK* A hole that looked like the outline of Storm was in the door. Storm: "Uhhh, ouch, I did it, where is the diamond?" Vanda: "Finally, thank you for getting us out of here." Storm: "You tricked me, you're cruel Vanda, I thought I was going to be rich!" Vanda: "Well, I'm going to get back to work, and I'm so sorry that you aren't rich, Storm." Exeter: "I'm very hungry, off to Uncle Joe's Donuts and Coffee." Overbuild: "WIFI, finally, I thought I was doomed to a death without the internet." Vanda: "Like that would really be so bad." Chapter 4: Another View Far away on a distant piece of Crux sat the Baron's castle, it was black colored, had twisted pinnacles of steel, had doors of onyx, and was as cold as ice. In the inside of the tower were many horrors so unimaginable that most minifigures would smash just by thinking about it. In the darkest and most horrific chamber sat the Baron on his throne of shadow. The Baron glared at a quivering stromling in the room with him. "What have you come in here for you useless weakling." The Stromling stammered, "I-I-I, was told to tell you that the faction leaders have fired missiles at Crux Prime." Baron: "Ha, those idiots, they probably hit that stupid tower of theirs with their missiles didn't they?" Stromling: "Actually they did, how did you know that?" Baron: "I know EVERYTHING, nothing is a secret from me, I'm all powerful, all knowing, and... and... uh, ALL POWERFUL!" The stromling guard in the corner muttered, "Or you just watched the news channel, boy did I get stuck with a bad boss." Stromling: "I believe you master, I will leave you now." Bows and leaves* The Baron picked up his black colored laptop. Baron: "Hmm, Google, evil masterminds of the universe, ahha, my profile!" Computer: "Profile for the Baron, this is presented by evil masterminds of the universe, all rights reserved. He isn't considered very powerful by our standards, you can find more about him under Weirdos of the Universe website." Baron: "WHAT, WEIRDOS OF THE UNIVERSE, THEY THINK I'M A WEIRDO!!!!" The Stromling guard in the corner snickers. Baron: "Do you have something you would like to say to ME!?" Stromling guard: "No, my master." Baron: "You better not have something to say to me." The Baron had decided he had enough playing around. He would launch an assault on the Nexus Tower. He first decided to talk to his tactical officer. Tactical Officer: "What would you like to know, my master?" Baron: "Do we have the power to destroy the Nexus Tower?" Tactical Officer: "No." Baron: "WHAT! We have THOUSANDS of troops!" Tactical Officer: "The problem is that one of their people can destroy thousands of ours." A TV comes down from the wall with the names of lots of minifigures on it. Tactical Officer: "Here is a random person right off the Venture Explorer, with no gear they have defeated five hundred stromlings in the course of an hour. The ones with good gear have destroyed tens of thousands of enemies." Baron: "Fine, we're not attacking the Nexus Tower." The Baron went over to his laptop to find it was broken because a virus had gotten on it. This made him angry so he decided to call customer service. Baron: "This is a strange phone number, 123-456-788-111-222-333-444-543-678-899." Machine recording: "Welcome to customer service, if you would like to tell us about how good our product is hit 1, if you would like to leave feedback about our product hit 2, if you would like to hang up your phone hit 3, if you would like to leave complaints in Spanish hit 4, if you would like to leave complaints in french hit 5, if you would like to talk to a real person who speaks Chinese hit 6, if you would like to talk to a real person who speaks German hit 7, if you would like to speak to a real person who speaks English hit 8." hits the 8 button* Operator: "Yo person, wat can I do for y'all." Baron: "Yes, my laptop isn't working and it's still under warranty." Operator: "I see your problem, but have you done anything to violate this warranty." Baron: "GIVE ME A NEW LAPTOP OR ELSE!" Operator: "Chill out dude, that's not cool to get angry." Baron: "IF YOU DON'T, YOU WILL PAY THE PRICE!" Operator: "Let me hook you up with the owner of our company, Hael Storm." Hael Storm: "Listen person, giving you a new laptop would make me LOSE ME MONIES, and that won't be happening anytime soon." Baron: "IT'S YOU, HAEL STORM!" Hael Storm: "WHAT, IT'S YOU, THE BARON!" Baron: "Well, we may hate each other, but you still have to give me a new laptop." Hael Storm: "Whats your castle made out of?" Baron: "Granite." Hael Storm: "Well, you voided your warranty, read page five hundred and fifty on the user agreement. Putting the laptop on granite is one thing that voids the contract." Baron: "There are hundreds of things that void the contract!" Hael Storm: "I know, I never plan on replacing someone's computer through a warranty." Baron: "Why you.. you... YOU... CHEATER!" Click* Baron: "AND THEN HE DISCONECTS ME, well, at least my stromlings respect me." Stromling Guard: "Yeah right, yes master, yes Mr. maniac, yes Baboon, yes this yes that, I am tired of listening to him." The Baron aims his staff at the stromling. The Stromling disintegrates* Baron: "I have had a very bad day today. Grrrr." Chapter 5: The Destruction of the Nexus Tower The Baron had become very happy because he had found out from another Intelligence Officer that they really did have enough power to attack the Nexus Tower, and attack it they did. Alarm: "ALL PERSONEL REPORT TO THE MAIN NEXUS IMMEDIATELY!" Exeter: "Oh, not another training drill, they better not have woken me up for one of those." Exeter walked to the Nexus to find the other faction leaders already there. Exeter: "What is going on up here, and why is the tower shaking so much?" Overbuild: "Well why do you think its shaking, USE YOUR PEA-SIZED BRAIN TO FIGURE IT OUT!" They all could tell this was a serious situation because Overbuild usually never got mad. Exeter looked sad. "Sorry, I guess its because we are under attack." Overbuild: "At least you know that much." Vanda: "A fleet of Maelstrom ships is pounding the Nexus Tower." Exeter: "What about our defenses, how about our guns and stuff?" Overbuild looked very angry. "Yes, those would have protected us if.. if.. IF.. STORM HADN'T SOLD THEM ON EBAY!" Exeter: "He sold them on Ebay?" Vanda: "Yes, he did." Storm: "I didn't know it would cause the security of the tower to be at risk or I would have never done it." Vanda: "For some reason, I highly doubt that." Overbuild: "We must get out of the tower before its too late, there is no way we can save it now." Exeter: "Uh oh, the launch pads have been destroyed." Vanda: "There's no way we can get out and then survive the journey to a safe area on crux." Exeter: "That's it, we can take the Crux Bus!" The Tower Shakes more than usually and they hear something break* Vanda: "I have no clue what your talking about Exeter, but our lives are in your hands." They all took the elevator to the bottom of the tower and to their amazement a gray bus with the word "Crux" painted on the side was about to leave as the tower was crumbling. Exeter: "HURRY, GET ON BEFORE IT LEAVES." Exeter: "Hey Grannyhoho, me and my friends need a ride." Vanda: "What type of name is 'Grannyhoho', that sounds weird..." Grannyhoho: "Okay, but hurry you youngsters, because that tower's about to collapse on us." All the faction leaders got on the bus and sat down. They noticed unlike most buses that this bus had seat-belts, so they all but them on. They also noticed another man beside Grannyhoho who was holding a Gatling gun mounted to the window. Vanda: "Does he shoot the Stromlings as he goes of Crux Prime?" Exeter: "Yep." Grannyhoho: "Everyone, buckle your seat-belts and keep all body parts in the vehicle at all times. Now hang on." Grannyhoho literally stomped on the gas and the bus flew forwards across Crux Prime. They all heard an explosion and saw the top of the Nexus Tower explode. Grannyhoho, "This is the first Stromling area, its gonna get bumpy." Hundreds of Stromlings ran at the bus; at that moment, the man with the gattling gun began mowing down maelstrom. However, he could only hit them on one side of the bus. To their, surprise Grannyhoho drifted sideways smashing all maelstrom on her side of the bus. Vanda: "I don't know if we are going to survive this bus ride." Exeter: "I bet you we will, she always has come through in the end." They then heard maching gun fire and saw two maelstrom fighters behind them firing on the bus. Grannyhoho: "What in the world, I have never had this happen before." One of the Maelstrom fighters got too low, and in a flash, Grannyhoho rammed it, causing it to crash. Then the guy beside her fired an RPG that hit the other plane directly in its core. Grannyhoho: "I think we have shook them for a while." Storm: "How much did we have to pay for this bus?" Vanda: "We are about to die and your asking how much we had to pay for this bus? I'm sorry, but that's just sad." Storm: "Well, at least my credit card has fifty million coins on it. I downloaded everyone's bank money onto it before the tower was destroyed." Exeter: "Thanks for paying my fifty thousand coin debt in my account." Storm: "I payed your debt? What's wrong with me?" Overbuild: "Don't you feel a happy feeling Storm for helping someone?" Storm: "No, I feel less money in my pocket." Vanda: "Forget it Overbuild, he will never learn." Just then Vanda took out her binoculars to look at what was ahead of them. sigh* "WARNING - 5,000 FOOT DROP - SLOW TO MAKE TURN!" Vanda: "GRANNYHOHO, SLOW DOWN; THERE IS A FIVE THOUSAND FOOT DROP AHEAD!" Grannyhoho: "I know, we are going to jump over that gap." Exeter: "Ooh, this is the fun part, I LOVE IT!" Vanda: "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU EXETER!? WE ARE ALL ABOUT TO BE KILLED BY A CRAZY BUS DRIVER!" Grannyhoho: "Hang on everyone!" Grannyhoho hits a button on the bus control panel. Flames erupt from the back of the bus and it increases in speed. Storm: "Wow, we are going 200 miles per hour and rising." Vanda: "I hope we die painlessly." The whole bus soared over the chasm. CLUNK* It landed on the other side and kept on going. Vanda: "That was... was... was..." Overbuild: "Amazing?" Vanda: "Yes." The Crux Bus stopped at a rocket launch pad area. All four faction leaders got off and headed towards the rocket launch pads. Chapter 6: The Motel The faction leaders each got in their rocket and decided to fly to a town that was called Tarker Town. It wasn't very far away and they reached it in around an hour. It was a sleepy town with one stoplight in it and a population of around five hundred. They went to the only hotel in town, it was called "Max's Hotel". Like the name implied, it was run by a man called Max. Exeter: "It doesn't look very nice." In front of them was the motel; it was a one story wooden building with about twenty rooms and only two cars parked outside. Vanda: "Well, I don't think we have much of a choice." Storm: "How much do they charge per night?" Vanda: "I don't care if they charge one thousand per night, we are staying here." Vanda grabs the credit card from Storm* Storm: "HEY!" Vanda: "I will be keeping our money for this trip." Overbuild: "I agree, Vanda should keep it." Storm: "Fine." Exeter: "I'm hungry, I hope they serve breakfast and dinner and lunch and second breakfasts and supper and dessert, a-" Vanda: "Exeter, you expect them to serve all those meals each DAY!?" Exeter: "They should, how many stars is this motel?" Storm: "It's three stars." Overbuild: "It looks more like a half a star motel." Exeter: "What's better, a three star or a five star?" Vanda: "You seriously don't know?" Exeter: "Just joking, of course I do, three stars are better of course!" Vanda: *facepalm* The faction leaders walk into the office to find max sitting at a desk. Max spoke in a Mexican accent. "Hello amigos, welcome to my wonderful hotel!" Overbuild: "Wonderful? Uh, I mean, we would like a room with four rooms in it." Max: "Yes sir, let me check how much that will cost. I see, it will cost twenty dollars a night and thirty if you want meals." Overbuild: "We would like meals." Max: "Very well, here is your room number and key. Have a nice stay!" Overbuild: "Um, yes, there aren't bed bugs are there?" Max: "Of course not sir, what do you think we are, a one star hotel?" Overbuild: "Actually I- never mind." The faction leaders walked in their room and sat down. Vanda: "We need to discuss how we are going to fix the Nexus Force, Nexus Square has been taken over, and the tower is gone." Storm: "Well... I do know someone who could help... but they're a bit of a gangster..." Vanda: "Who are they?" Storm: "It's an old lady." Vanda: "What is it with old ladies, first the bus driver now a gangster?" Storm: "Her name is Madia and she lives around here." Exeter: "I say we ask for her help." Overbuild: "I suppose it can't hurt." Vanda: "Okay lets go find her, come on Storm show us were she lives." Storm: "Hang on a sec." Vanda: "Why are you taking all the free shampoo, soap, and breath mints?" Storm: "I think if they replenish the supply every day I can sell all this on Ebay for around forty bucks which would mean we MADE ten dollars by staying here." SMACK* Storm: "OUCH, what was that for, Vanda?!" Vanda: "You being cheap, now come take us to your friend." The faction leaders walked down the road to an old looking house. Ding Dong* CH-CH* Vanda: "Did someone just use a shotgun?" Storm: "She is paranoid about robbers." The door opens* An elderly but surprisingly big elderly lady with a shotgun walked out. Madia: "What do you want with me fool, OH, Storm, you should have said it was you, how would you like to come in?" Exeter: "Do you have milk and cookies?"